A Figure of Speech

It's been said before that a person can

"catch more flies with honey than vinegar"

I'm sure it's been tested by many a man

but there's something flies like more than sugar

"You'll catch more flies with old meat than honey."

That's how the old saying should really go

I know it might sound a little funny

but it's just a bit more honest... you know?

Just leave honey and a steak in the sun

in an hour come see which has more flies

the old smelly steak will surely have one

it is a truth we can all recognize

Perhaps the moral should not be "be sweet"

but "know the needs of each person you meet"

Velveeta Nights

Finally this week does draw to a close
and I can almost sit down and relax
I take off my shoes and stretch out my toes
and then a ravenous hunger attacks

While I know it is not the most healthy
I really could use a warm cheesy treat
and I also am not the most wealthy
but still I want something yummy to eat

Tonight's just one of those Velveeta nights
I'll give into that Golden Temptation
and everything will be quite alright
and leave me with a sense of elation.

So tonight I eat Velveeta... and yet
I don't feel the slightest bit of regret

Just Thursday

Is today seriously just Thursday??

This week has been great... but man is it long

the weekend may not be to far away

but by day's end I may not feel so strong

I've really enjoyed meeting the students

but I'm not used to working all this time

I'm starting to feel dull and not prudent

I'm ready to melt into formless slime

I know the week is the first of many

and soon I'll feel ready to face them all

While of free time I may not have any

I hope for my own class this time next fall.

While I cannot wait for the week to end

I'm so ready for the next to begin!

Waning Wakefulness

I still need to write a sonnet tonight

but its 10 o'clock, and past my bedtime

the light from the ceiling glares oh so bright

and all I want is to finish my rhyme

Don't get me wrong, I love writing each day

but today I wish I'd started sooner

all of my wakefulness has gone away

I feel like I need a mental tuner

Please couldn't I just go backward in time

and start to write when I had time to spare?

I might be willing to spend a few dimes!

What do you mean I can't? That's just not fair!

I guess I'll just take this as a lesson

I'll start sooner tomorrow... no questions!

The True Lord of the Flies

The true lord of the flies is the rabbit
though she acts as though the flies annoy her
she attracts them almost out of habit
but twitches when the flies do enjoy her

She cannot help that they find her so grand
for the rabbit does poop where'er she goes
while her fur may be pleasing to the hand
her smell is oft offensive to the nose

A clean cage does not send the flies away
for the rabbit does continue to poop
so the owner bought fly killer today
(she'd hoped not to have to deal with this goop)

The rabbit and owner both hope to wake
to see all the flies in a dead fly lake!

Only 8

It's only 8, but I'm ready to sleep

that's what I get for waking up early...

for in a few hours from bed I must leap

but I know I'll get used to it surely

I knew this would be tough, but not this much

today went so well, but it wore me out

I feel I'd collapse with the lightest touch

but I'd rather just take the sleeping route...

It's still just a little bit light outside

would it be such a crime to go to bed?

Tomorrow I will feel less like I've died

with just a bit longer to rest my head

Or maybe I'll just lie and rest my eyes,

but to reopen them may be unwise...

First Day of School

Tomorrow's another first day of school
It feels like going to Kindergarten
This time I'm not worrying if I'm cool
but I am still starting from scratch again.

I'm so excited to meet my students
I'm sure they'll be great and so will this year
I hope I'm a positive influence
and I hope that all will be full of cheer

I'm sure that there will be difficulties
though I cannot be sure where they will lie
and while this time may not be full of ease
I know that I'll be able to get by

I'm nervous, but I also cannot wait
I better sleep now so I won't be late!

Ally McBeal Nightmare

Last night I dreamed I was Ally McBeal
and someone was trying to murder me
I felt a terror so intense and real
that it awoke me from my deepest sleep

I woke and sat up in bed with a start
My sweat was cold and my breathing heavy
then a frantic pounding came from my heart
and I was filled with great energy

Then I thought "Wait! I'm the main character
The can't keep the show going without me!"
But then I thought "...Wait I'm just an actor"
and then I came back to reality

I'm neither actor nor Ally McBeal
and not being murdered has great appeal!

A Whole New World

I finally got a paycheck today
it wasn't much but it was still money
not enough to splurge, but enough to pay
but I find myself no longer hungry

I went to the store to buy groceries
I walked through the aisles with eyes open wide
there was a whole new world open to me
after many weeks of being denied

"Only to last until Tuesday" I thought
I knew that I had to control myself
so only bare necessities were bought
all other items were left on the shelf

And so until Tuesday I'll be thrifty
but after then I'll have a full pantry

Deja Vu

I took out my pen and began to write
I looked down happy with my creation
all of a sudden I felt a small fright
and then I felt the weirdest sensation

"I think I've written this sonnet before"
I said to myself as I made a face
I looked through my archives so I'd be sure
and sure enough deja vu was the case

What a strange thing this sonnet deja vu
maybe I don't know my sonnets so well
so maybe before I right something new
I should read through them all so I can tell

But reading them all would be too much work
and it is one duty that I will shirk

Beckoning Pancake

I was cooking up some pancakes to eat
the day had been long and my hunger great
Pancakes are such a fun and tasty treat
but I didn't know how long I could wait

I poured the first pancake into the pan
I waited and gave the pancake a flip
and slowly the delicious smell began
to fill up my nose as I licked my lips.

I put the first pancake onto a plate
and began to start cooking the second
but looking at it... oh how could I wait??
I stared at the pancake as it beckoned.

I vowed I would wait until all were done...
but then I ate it and that vow was gone

A Book Review Sonnet: A Clash of Kings

Last night I did finish "A Clash of Kings"
The second "A Song of Ice and Fire" book.
and while in my life I've read many things
almost a year is how long this one took

The book was quite good, but was very long
and I must say not as good as the first,
but it's not alone; its a part of A Song
and I've read other book that were far worse.

Overall I am glad that I read it
and I'm ready to begin with the next
though right now I don't have much time to sit
and conquer a very large wall of text.

I promise I'm coming "A Storm of Swords"
but right now I might take a break from words...

Hunger Dream

I lie here in bed all cozy and warm
and I feel a small growl in my tummy
suddenly my thoughts begin to transform
and I'm thinking about something yummy.

I think of a smell wafting through the air
I imagine warm cinnamon sugar
but then I notice the smell isn't there
it is simply a dream from my hunger

I picture them sitting in the oven
Piles of sweet goodness wrapped into tight coils
maybe just one or maybe a dozen
and the filling starts to ooze as it boils

While cinnamon rolls do sound quite tasty...
to make them now... I am just too lazy

Laundry Mountain

Having many clothes can be a great thing,
but sometimes it is also a burden.
While I can wait a while before washing
waiting will make it harder for certain.

It feels like it has only been two weeks,
but it's been a month in reality
and soon I begin to form twin peaks
as I sort the mountain in front of me.

Dark things in one pile, light in another
both sprawled out on the floor of my bedroom
anyone under it would be smothered
a climb to the top would mean certain doom

While soon I conquer Laundry Mountain
I know in a month, I'll do it again.

Canned Sonnets

Next week I start my teaching internship
and I think there's something I should confess
I fear my sonnet quality may slip
But I promise to still do my best.

I'll keep my promise of a daily rhyme
but I can't be sure what each day will bring
So I think I'll write some ahead of time
So that this won't become a stressful thing.

I'll do my best to write about each day
and keep writing sonnets about my life,
but storing canned sonnets will be my way
of dealing with stress and preventing strife.

So, dear readers, I hope you'll forgive
if soon I do not have as much to give.

Waking Up

In the morning I have to go to work
it will be for the first time in a week
At 7 am I must be alert
I admit that my outlook is quite bleak

Soon I will have to wake at 5 each morn
but for now I'm enjoying my sleeping.
Tomorrow I won't face the day with scorn,
but inside I'll be secretly weeping.

I know that I really need to adjust
to a wake up time so bright and early
but for now I'll face the sun with disgust
and likely I will be rather surly.

Someday I will make it past the sorrow
but I know that day won't be tomorrow...

Playground

Today I brought some kids to a playground
I thought it would kill time and be quite fun
It gave the kids a chance to run around
And they would be tired when we were done.

I looked at the kids and the fun they had
but all I could do was just stand around
if I climbed the playset... it would be bad
so I found my feet fettered to the ground.

I started to think "Wouldn't it be great
if there were playgrounds that could hold adults?
I could slide with the kids instead of wait,
and climb without fear of breaking a bolt."

I think that when I win the lottery
I'll build an adult playground just for me!

Lift My Head

Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed
I wish I could stay there all day and sleep
It seems a great burden to lift my head
I'd rather return to my slumber deep.

Sometimes I want to continue my dream
I'd really like to know what happens next
Maybe hiking a mountain of ice cream
or even riding a friendly T-rex

Sometimes I'm just comfortable and warm
all wrapped up inside a blanket cocoon.
I'm tempted to just sleep through the alarm
Oh why must the cold morning come so soon?

Alas! Each morning I meet the same fate:
If I do stay in bed, I will be late

Pain in the Neck

I woke up this morning and tried to rise
but soon from my neck I heard a loud pop
As I tried to get up, to my surprise
I felt pain in my neck that would not stop.

I turned the alarm off and TV on
and I tried to turn right to see the screen
When I turned I cried out an awful song
for the pain that it caused was quite obscene

I cried and I called out for some relief
oh what had I done to deserve this pain
this pain in my neck was beyond belief
I thought I might never turn it again.

I groaned, took a shower and some Aleve
and this combination my pain relieved.

Allergies

I take a breath and I feel it coming

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

I want to hide, but there's no sense in running

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

It starts, and I don't know when it will end

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

Then after it stops, it comes back again

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

I gasp for air between every sneeze

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

And yet my nose it feels no relief

Achoo achoo achoo achoo achoo

I try pills and sprays, but still I achoo

It seems my only options are tissues... 

Sleeping In

I got home at 4 in the morn today
I decided not to set an alarm
Imagine my surprise when I did wake
to see 3 PM had already come.

I knew I was tired but what a snooze!
I hadn't slept this long in a few years
but this morning I had nothing to lose
all this lost time gave me nothing to fear.

I only fear how I will sleep tonight
Will I get sleepy before 4 am?
Somehow I think it will all be alright
If it's not, I'll worry about it then.

Yes, I think today will be really fun!
Woe! After my sleep it is almost done...

Middle Tooth

Today I was watching Vanilla Sky

And I saw something I'd noticed before

I don't know quite how and I don't know why

but I will notice it forevermore

This movie, like many, does star Tom Cruise

as a vain, conceited man, full of youth.

From me the movie gets no bad reviews,

But my gaze was caught by his middle tooth!

I've included a photo down below,

but beware, this vision can't be unseen.

If you draw a line right down from his nose

you'll see a tooth is directly beneath.

I may be no student of dentistry

but something is wrong from what I can see

5543

Today I took my second Praxis II
but I'm not so sure how it really went
By now there is nothing that I can do
for all of my time is already spent

At the end of the other test I took
on the screen I got my scores right away
so after this test I did take a look
and saw I would not get my scores today

Alas! Fifteen business days I must wait
To learn whether or not I succeeded
Last time this anxiety was not great
but then only a short wait was needed

Am I nervous from not doing so well?
Or from the long wait? Only time will tell...

Spare Change

Today I drove up to the Kangaroo
I had a RedBox movie to return
I felt I could do with a cold drink too,
but I didn't have much money to burn.

I found a few quarters inside my car
not much, but enough to buy a slushee.
So I took my spare change to the snack bar
and prayed the clerks wouldn't be mad at me.

I hid my coins as I stood in the line
then I looked ahead and was shocked to see
a man doing a wrong much worse than mine
he paid for his gas with only pennies!

"I've just got quarters" I said to the clerk
he sighed with relief at this easy work

Vacation's End

Alas I am home from the beach today
I'm glad to be home but am also sad
I miss the ocean breeze and the sea spray,
but I'm glad to be back in my own bed.

What I miss the most is my family
it is rare that we are all together
and it was so great that we could all be
relax and enjoy all the great weather

But real life must always begin again
and the awkward tan lines must fade away
vacation means nothing without an end
and mine had to come to an end today

To vacation I bid farewell for now
but we will meet again someday, somehow

Sunburn

As I went to the beach, I sprayed with care
covering my exposed skin with sunscreen.
Of the blazing sun I was quite aware
and wanted no red, but a golden sheen

I was so determined I would not burn
and I reapplied my sunscreen often.
To my other side I made sure to turn
so that any tan line would be softened.

I returned home after my careful day
and I thought that I would be in the clear
but soon I saw spots I'd missed with the spray
splotches were everywhere far and near

As I prepare from the beach to return
I think I'd prefer an all-over burn

Unapologetically Late

I went for a walk at night on the beach
my family and I went to chase crabs
The crabs ran so quickly out of our reach
our hands came away empty with each grab

So we ran around on the beach and we laughed
chasing like mad ev'ry crab that we passed
but soon I looked at my watch and I gasped
to see that 2 hours had passed so fast

'Twas past midnight, but I was having fun
While I may regret the fact I was late
I don't regret the day spent in the sun
and I accept this lateness as my fate

While on vacation, I'll do my best
but can't promise more deadlines won't be missed

Fork

I wonder if it would be too much work
to rhyme each line of this sonnet with fork
as I reminisce on Mindy and Mork
I start to feel like a bit of a dork

Of course all babies come from the stork
and those who keep kosher do not eat pork
If you don't want to be killed by an orc
you should pack up and move to old New York

The Swedish Chef Muppet sometimes says "Bork"
I've got nice wine that it's time to uncork
The star of "The Wrestler" was Mickey Rourke
To bale some hay you will need a pitchfork.

That's all I can think of to rhyme with fork
please just don't ask me to do it with spork.

QWERTY

I have to learn to type QWERTY again
for I now type with a Dvorak keyboard
The process has proved to be quite a pain
and I find myself to be rather bored.

I have a computer based test to take
and I will need to type out some essays
typing isn't something that I can fake
and I can't change the key layout that day

So for now my typing is very slow
as I'm trying to relearn these letters
I've got only 'til Friday, and I know
by then my typing NEEDS to get better!

While typing this sonnet may be a chore
it is good practice of which I need more!

Brief Summer

At last! I've submitted my last paper!
Now summer school is officially done!
My brain's almost turned to water vapor
from the mixture of pressure, heat, and sun.

In eleven days I'm in school again
and in seven I take another test
I will do my best to rest until then
for I find I'm already far too stressed.

I'll go to the beach with my family
but I can only stay for a few days
then it's back to life of anxiety
oh how I wish it would just stay away.

I'm glad that this is the path that I chose
but for this brief summer it kinda blows...

August

It's hard to believe that August is here;
the year is 7/12ths of the way done.
Graduation day draws slowly nearer
I can't help but feel I've already won

While much of my journey still lies ahead
I just can't ignore how far I have come
and where so far this great journey has led
and think about what I will soon become

I swear January was yesterday
this year was new and had just begun
I blinked my eyes and the year ran away
and now it's almost time for a new one

But still five months of this year do remain
and I know that they will fly by again